In the middle of a wonderful dream involving chocolate silk pie and a 1960 Thunderbird, I woke up screaming random curse words. Since then, I’ve been awkwardly sitting upright in bed and drenched in sweat – all courtesy of our dear friend MEN-O-PAUSE. Is it a coincidence that menopause starts with the word MEN?
Probably not.
It’s just another way for the man to keep a strong woman down. Making her obsessed with ice cubes and ceiling fans.
I digress.
I’m watching the news, why are all the men so damn ugly? They can be fat, balding, and two cards short of a full deck while all the women on TV have to look like the just walked of a beauty pageant stage in Texas. They are currently talking about “why men cheat” – obviously a very news worthy topic. (insert sarcasm here)
I will tell you why men cheat Mr. Morbidly Obese Anchorman and Shania Twain Look-Alike Anchorwoman: the thought of sex makes women want to vomit when they are going through menopause. So, our husbands are more likely to cheat. Rocket science.
There. I said it. It’s true. Don’t shoot the messenger. Even if Brad Pitt wanted to throw down with me in the sack I wouldn’t. I’d tell him to get his ass off me. Then I’d roll over, take a bite of Snickers, and drift off to sleep.
xoxo
Judy